Can a powerful role-playing company and an amateur director bring back “fantasy” films to the silver screen? This is quite a question especially with the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy looming in Christmas 2001.

In this fantasy opus, young thief Ridley (Justin Whalin) teams up with Snails (Marlon Wayans) to break into the mythical school of magic. Bumbling as they are, Ridley and Snails fall into a mage civil war where one side fights for the Empress (Thora Birch) and the other for a devilish sorcerer (Jeremy Irons). Upon their entry into the struggle, Ridley and Snails meet up with Merina and a feisty dwarf. Merina tells the thief twosome that they must acquire a magical rod so that the Empress may win the civil war. Will Ridley be able to acquire the rod? One of them will sacrifice their life to save the quest, who will it be?

Dungeons and Dragons reminded me a lot of “Masters of the Universe” and the Mortal Kombat films. There is action, science-fiction and brilliant special effects. The effects, seamless transition between worlds and the whole look of the film is definitely something to marvel at. I loved the societies, beasts mixed with humans and the gorgeous dragons. I also really liked the costume and set designs. One thing that bugged me about the look was Bruce Payne’s fluorescent blue lip. What’s up with that?

But what maybe “Dungeons & Dragons” biggest flaw is its script. Its quite amateur and really makes a lot of the actors seem mundane. I really can say that 80% of the dialogue was mundane. This film had no depth, intrigue or real substance. It was flash, tension, flash, tension, effect, flash and more tension. It was a roller-coaster and there were scenes where the music drowned out the dialogue. You could feel in the unrest and amateur direction in the director’s pacing. This film was vastly hollow.

Dungeons & Dragons is a good warm-up film for next December’s “Lord of the Rings”. It does show how interesting fantasy could be. I hope the “Lord of the Rings” will be more like great fantasy films like “Willow”, “Conan” and “Dragonheart” than Dungeons & Dragons.

(2 of 5) So Says the Soothsayer.

The Empire of Izmer has long had its problems. The Mages are living in their castle's and eating their bread while the commoners had nothing. The young empress Savina wants to see an end to inequality and wants to bring prosperity to all. A lofty proposal indeed. For some reason the evil Mage Profion is threatened by the young empress' idyllic plans for Izmer so he convinces the Council of Mages that Savina is unfit to rule. Of course a war ensues.

Plot: Okay, I've never, ever played Dungeons and Dragons before so maybe I just don't understand the deep intricacies of the plot line, but to the uninitiated this story moves along as smoothly as a brick on a gravel road. The plot is poorly developed, the characters are uninspired, and the dialogue is at times atrocious. The movie is basically the most watered down version of Star Wars available. The thief, Ridley, is Luke Skywalker, his pal Snails is C-3PO and R2D2, Damodar is Darth Vader, Profion is the Emperor, and the list goes on and on. Of course the copying doesn't end at Star Wars. Indiana Jones, Willow, and even Space Hunter: Adventures in the Forbidden zone are among the many other pictures lampooned in this film. An amateurish effort to say the least. *(out of five)

Acting: Marlon Wayans is not funny. In this film he plays the role of the stereotypical bumbling sidekick, Snails, who does more harm than good. I would like to see Wayans do one movie that doesn't make the black community look foolish as a whole (well, he was okay in Requiem for a Dream). But, aside from that, he doesn't even do that great a job at it in this movie. Every time he opened his mouth the audience knew something stupid was about to come out. Justin Whalin as the hero, thief Ridley was equally uninspiring. Thora Birch played the role of the Empress Savina with the airiness of a valley girl, truly disappointing. Oscar award winning actor Jeremy Irons should fire his agent because of this gig. It was difficult to figure out how well Irons was actually acting because in every scene he was in there was another actor who was just God awful. *1/2(out of five)

Directing: Courtney Solomon has never been to film school and it shows. The whole movie is filmed in a flat, empty style reminiscent of television. The only thing that carries the scenes along is the scenery and thin plot, that ain't saying much, kids. Solomon truly needs to think before he shoots. They say he had been trying to get this film made for a decade, maybe he should have tried another one. *(out of five)

Music: Although technically flawless Justin Caine Burnett's score was at times obtrusive and out of place. Also his composition lacked a great deal of emotion that one would expect in this so-called epic tale. There were times in the movie when the music was so loud that the audience couldn't even hear the awful dialogue. What this movie's score really needed was a few more layers of polish. **(out of five)

Special Effects: The special effects in this film were the most entertaining part of the movie. Of course its really a relative comparison. Between the horrendous story or the medium-quality special effects, I'd take the special effects. The dragons in this movie aren't up to the visual standards for special effects set by Jurassic Park and even Dragonheart. The effects look obviously computer generated. Its what one would expect of a film from 1993. But, due to the fact that the movie itself was crap the special effects became the main attraction. Some of the only scenes that caught my attention were those at the end of the film with the dragon air battle. ***(out of five)

Bottom Line: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough* Ha. *1/2(out of five)